Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Gender Gap for Bridging

Some gender differences, most of which we discover after marriage, usually hit us by surprise:

1) If a woman finds herself in company of others, say at a wedding, and sees another woman wearing the same dress as she has on, she becomes distressed! Even some anger can well up from her stress. She wants badly to project uniqueness, and that other lady's outfit renders her's a forgery!

Just the opposite for men! If a man finds himself standing out in the crowd, say because he's wearing a yellow suit, when other men are wearing dark suits, he'd be mighty embarrassed. He'd much rather meld in than stand out.

2) The amount of clothes to have - as a bare necessity, varies with gender. A man needs two or three pairs of shoes, a few shirts, a few of this and a few of that, and that's it.

A woman, on the other hand, if she doesn't have a pair of shoes of some particular color, or a blouse of some style, may well feel herself justified when she proclaims, "I have nothing to wear". At this pont, her man may well not understand and point out she has a closet overstuffed with clothes, but he does not understand that, all those clothes notwithstanding, she simply has nothing to wear if she's missing that one item of some particular feature. She actually "needs" it! This need will always remain a mystery to the man.

These "needs" begins quite early in a woman's life. From about 12 years old!

3) A woman feels that every aspect of her home is her responsibility. Every room has to look just right, according to her taste. Now if she wants to take a break, she has to leave the house to feel relaxed, to get away from it all. She cannot just retire to a given room and there feel relaxation because every room reminds her of work, every room registers with her as a burden to care for. When she needs a break, she must remove herself from every place for which she bears responsibility. Only by leaving the whole house behind can she relax.

A man, on the other hand, can easily relax at home. He simply goes to some room or desk and there relaxes. For him, leaving the work premises and coming home offers him his leisure. The "entire" house does not weigh him down psychologically, as it does his wife.

4) To listen to a woman, a man must know he's not "listening" as long as he does not look her in the eye. Were he to say, "I'm listening", and in fact he is, but as long as he does not look at her, she feels she's talking to a wall, and could become depressed by this.

A man, on the other hand, can separate his ears for listening, irrespective of where his eyes are focused.

- But of course, these vast differences notwithstanding, the gender gap can be bridged to make for a more solid relationship. To practice medicine, accounting or plumbing, we need either a degree or apprenticeship; To be a mate, we're thrown into the test without any of these. A positive attitude, however, takes us over the humps.

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